How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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