i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
