All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
