ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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