The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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