So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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