Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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