just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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