Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
