Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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