i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
