Nicole vs. Life
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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