saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
