Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
