you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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