found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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