She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
