just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
