Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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