just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
