so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
