sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
