I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
