It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
