Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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