I just cut my nipple shaving
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
