We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
