i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
