maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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