he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
