this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
