OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
