what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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