i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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