Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
