We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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