oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
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If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS