sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina