my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.