i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great