Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
