Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
