saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
