i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
