sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
