How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
