I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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