im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
