Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
