I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
