I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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