I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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