I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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