I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
