Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
