I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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