I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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