I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
