that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
