i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rumble strips road head = magical
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
