You're my little dorito
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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