My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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