Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
