When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
