sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
