I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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