I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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