brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
