It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
